


those in your life

by lovelyjo



Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:48:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22872739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyjo/pseuds/lovelyjo
Summary: The world is ending. Being vulnerable is gross. Egwene has role-models in strange places.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	those in your life

**Author's Note:**

> Erlin and Egwene are really rivaling Bev in terms of dads collected and I think that's very fun-- until episode 91 :(
> 
> This sprung to life because I thought Balnor would be a good person to talk to Egwene about the loss she's experienced but they still haven't formally met. Then I realized I wanted her to have scenes with Red, Gunther and Ol' Cobb as well. This chapter is about the siblings, it's about the vulnerability, it's about the weird uncles, it's about the crushes, it's about old men never shutting up. (Also those Kindleaf's keep making gay kids, huh?) 
> 
> But here it is! Hope you enjoy it!

Egwene plops down with a huff, kicking at the table legs a bit. Erlin gives her a look but she scowls at him, so he just shrugs and turns back to Red and Gunther. 

“And then, after we stole all of his drugs, Deadeye and I started doing ‘em off of Gunther’s ass, which is huge, so we could--” 

Egwene has spent enough time with Red and Gunther to have heard a story similar to this one a thousand times, and she can tell it’s mostly for the two of them to reminisce anyway. Gross. 

She twists at one of the hoops in her ear and glances over at the bar again. There’s a girl up there, absentmindedly pulling her hand through her hair and laughing brightly at something the bartender is saying. Egwene’s brows furrow, and she pulls at her earring. 

She  _ had _ been hovering next to the bar, waiting for the conversation to end-- well, to build up enough courage to actually go talk to her, if she was being honest with herself. But the longer she waited and the more the girl laughed, the butterflies in Egwene’s stomach got to be too much so she sat back down. And here she is. 

Red finally glances over at her, catching her eye and tilts his head. “So what’s got you in a mood?” he asks. 

“Nothing,  _ god _ . You sound like a fucking grandpa.” 

Red just laughs and nods up at the bar. “Lose your fuckin’ nerve and give up on talkin’ to that pretty mage up there?” 

Erlin chokes on his drink and Egwene smacks his shoulder. She can feel her face burning as she blushes and her scowl deepens. 

“ _ No _ , god. Lose your fucking marbles in the middle of that story? I was just-- I was scoping out the place. Leave me alone.” 

Red laughs again, head thrown back, hands on his belly. If she was at the table with anyone else she would’ve pulled out her bow or at stormed off in a huff. But she doesn’t want to cause a scene in front of that girl. And she and Red have had more than their fair share of verbal battles since they all left Hillhome, they both know at this point it’s more game than argument. 

But there’s no fucking way she’s gonna admit he was right. Especially about something  _ embarrassing _ like getting cold feet about just talking to someone. 

She catches Erlin and Gunther sharing a smile and trying not to laugh. But, fuck, does she sometimes miss people being intimidated by her. 

“I wasn’t-- I wasn’t going to talk to her,” she says. “I’m not Erlin, who’s kissing that picture of Beverly in his room every night.”

Red and Gunther laugh as Erlin hides his red face in his hands. Erlin got their mom’s features, curly red hair and pale skin, so the blush takes over his face. 

“At least I’m dating someone. You’re all mooney-eyed at someone you haven’t even met,” Erlin says. Egwene smacks his head and so he pushes her shoulder and so she nudges his arm and so he kicks her leg. Egwene is ready to wrestle if only they weren’t in the middle of a tavern. 

Red must realize this because he says, “Hey, hey now. You know I hate bein’ the voice of reason but we gotta keep from starting a brawl in this place.” 

“Fine,” Egwene says. 

“Fine,” Erlin says. 

Red takes a deep sigh and gives a glance up at Gunther. They’re having a nonverbal conversation about something, but Egwene can’t figure out what. They spend almost all of their fucking time on a ship together-- Egwene feels like she’s been on the receiving end of every face Red is capable of making. Plus you have to be able to be instantly on the same page with the people you go into battle with, so being out of the loop is giving her a knot in her stomach. 

She glances over at Erlin, who has an identical look of  _ I don’t like whatever this is _ on his face. 

Red looks vaguely uncomfortable but there’s a spark of amusement in his eyes. “So, uh, I know your parents died a while back and-- well, Nana Kindleaf sure as hell didn’t have this conversation with you kids. So. Do Gunther and I need to be the ones to give you the talk?” 

“Oh my god, I’m gonna die--” 

“I think absolutely fucking not, I’m 19 fucking years--” 

“This is  _ not  _ where I expected this night-- 

“I’m about to take the airship and leave your ass--” 

Red and Gunther bend over laughing, grabbing at each other to keep from falling off of their chairs. 

“Woo, holy shit, I wasn’t expecting your reaction to be that bad,” Red says. “But for real, if you got questions about anything you can come to your old Uncle Red. Me and Gunther are pretty cool, as you know--” 

“Yeah fucking right--” 

“Look, I’m bein’ serious now,” Red says, his voice lowering. “I know you kids have lost a lot and if me and Gunther are gonna be takin’ you around to go on quests and fight monsters, we’ve gotta be at least somewhat responsible. If you need anything, and I mean it, you can come to us. If I’m bein’ honest, we, uh, we coulda done a better job with Elias, uh, Hardwon. So we’re gonna do right by him and take care of you. You kids are pretty cool, though not as cool as me and Gunther obviously, and I wanna make sure you’re good.”

He clears his throat and pushes his seat back, taps his hands on his knees and stands up.

“So with that I’m gonna buy you both a beer.” He nods for Gunther to come with him. Gunther stands up and puts a paw on his back and they walk up to the bar. 

“Well that was something,” Erlin says. His eyes are wide and he runs a hand over the back of his neck. “I’m not talking to Red about my  _ boyfriend _ , though.” 

“Fuck no,” Egwene says. 

A laugh bubbles from Egwene’s chest and Erlin snorts. She’s grateful Red decided to walk away the second he was done being sincere, too much vulnerability makes Egwene feel like she’s drowning. 

“Was it that obvious I was trying to talk to that girl?” Egwene asks, playing with another earring. 

“I mean, yeah. You had a real puppy dog look on your face.” 

“Shut  _ up _ , Erlin.” Erlin laughs, his poofy hair falling into his face. 

She’s really fucking embarrassed, but a part of her is always glad to see Erlin in a good mood. He’s constantly worried about Nana and Beverly and his friends and everyone else they’ve left behind. She wishes she could just take that worry from him. She’s the older one, she’s supposed to be the worrier. She’s already made space for worry, she’s been looking out for Erlin his entire life and she doesn’t want him to carry that weight. 

Erlin breaks her thoughts by nudging her shoulder and saying, “Oh god, look at Red.” 

Red is talking to the bartender, leaning back and laughing his ass off. It’s obvious he’s telling another one of his stories to this stranger. 

“What a fucking goober,” she says. 

For such a long time it was just her and Erlin. They had Nana, too, and she was doing her best but she was  _ Nana _ . Egwene was there to take care of Erlin, she didn’t need anyone else.

But now they had Red and Gunther. They were weird old guys, and in some ways they drive Egwene insane, but they treat her and Erlin like equals. Egwene knows Red and Gunther have her back, and even more importantly she knows they would go out of their way to help Erlin. 

Egwene taps Erlin on his shoulder. “If you tell Red and Gunther I asked you about. Whatever, you know. I’m gonna kill you.” 

Erlin holds his hands out, palms facing out. “Fine. I’ll keep your embarrassing secrets that everyone already knows.” 

She rolls her eyes. “I might just kill you now.” 

“Who’s killing who and why?” Red asks, walking back up to the table. 

“No one,” Egwene says. “For now.” 

Gunther slides beers in front of Erlin and Egwene, and he pats them both on the head. Before Red sits down he touches her and Erlin’s shoulders and squeezes them for just a second. 

He moves around the table and sits down. He takes a huge swig of his beer and leans back in his chair. 

“Well I thought I was fuckin’ done being sincere but I got one more thing I gotta say. We haven’t been on the road together for that long, at least compared to me and Gunther, but you kids have grown a lot and-- and I’m proud of you. Keep up the good work.” He nods and Gunther makes a noise in agreement. 

This is too much vulnerability in one night for Egwene. She’s feeling just a little too  _ much.  _

“Whatever, you fucking weirdo. I don’t need you to be proud of me.” Egwene pushes her seat back and the legs scrape on the floor. She stands up and stomps out of the tavern, lighting a cigarette on the way out the door. 

She doesn’t look back to see if Red is actually hurt (she knows he isn’t) or if Erlin is concerned (she knows he is). She hears the door slam behind her, too loud. 

She takes a long drag of her cigarette. Someone is proud of her, huh. Red never would’ve said it if he didn’t truly mean it, but knowing that only makes the overwhelmed feeling in her stomach grow. 

Egwene’s parents died and she decided that Erlin would be the only person  _ really _ in her life. She was never going to feel loss like that again because she would never let anyone new into her life and she would die before she let anything happen to Erlin. 

But it’s seeming more and more likely that this isn’t sustainable. Red and Gunther want to be there for them. Red and Gunther would risk their lives for them. Red is proud of her. And she’s  _ happy _ about it, somehow it doesn’t feel like a betrayal to her parents or the promise she made to herself. Fuck. 

Red and Gunther will never replace her parents, but they do make pretty good uncles. She’ll never, ever tell them that, though. 

**Author's Note:**

> These chapters take on such a different tone after 91. Egwene has lost pretty much everyone in her life at this point, and while I definitely think she'll get Erlin back, it's still so sad. Next chapter is Gunther.


End file.
